Let me ask you something that you may not have thought about in a while:

Who are you outside of being Mom?

Not who you are to your children.

Not who you are to your husband or partner.

Not who you are at work.

Not the one who keeps the calendar, remembers the appointments, makes the meals, solves the problems, or knows where everything is.

Who are you?

It's an interesting question, isn't it?

And depending on what season of motherhood you're in, you may have a very different answer.

For some moms, motherhood has just begun, and everything feels new. Your days may revolve around feeding schedules, naps, diapers, and trying to figure out this little person who suddenly needs so much of you.

For other moms, the years are full of school, sports, activities, homework, work, appointments, and a never-ending list of things that need to get done.

And then there are moms whose children have grown and whose homes may be quieter than they used to be.

Different season. Different responsibilities.

But sometimes the question underneath all of them is the same:

Who am I now?

Motherhood has a way of becoming woven into almost every part of your identity.

And honestly, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Being a mother can be one of the most meaningful parts of who we are.

But there is a difference between saying "I am a mom" and believing "Mom is all that I am."

Somewhere between caring for everyone else, making decisions for everyone else, and putting everyone else's needs on the list, your own interests can quietly move to the bottom.

The things you enjoyed before motherhood may get pushed aside.

The dreams you had may sit on a shelf.

The hobbies you loved may become distant memories.

Even the simple things that made you feel like you can disappear beneath the responsibilities of everyday life.

And you may not even notice it happening.

Until one day you realize:

I don't remember the last time I did something simply because I wanted to.

Here's something I've learned:

You don't necessarily need to find the woman you were before motherhood.

Because you aren't her anymore.

Motherhood changes us.

Life changes us.

Our experiences change us.

The woman who became a mother is not exactly the same woman who stands here today.

And that's okay.

Maybe the goal isn't to "get yourself back."

Maybe the goal is to get to know yourself again.

Who are you now?

What makes you laugh?

What are you curious about?

What do you enjoy?

What matters to you?

What have you always wanted to try?

What have you outgrown?

What parts of yourself have been waiting for your attention?

Those questions can feel surprisingly difficult when you've spent years answering everyone else's.

Sometimes moms hear conversations about finding themselves and immediately feel guilty.

But I have children.

My family needs me.

There isn't enough time.

Shouldn't I be focusing on them?

Yes.

And you can still focus on them while remembering that you are a person, too.

Your identity doesn't have to compete with motherhood.

You don't have to stop being a devoted mom to become more connected to yourself.

You can be both.

You can love being Mom and still want something that's just yours.

You can be deeply committed to your family and still have dreams.

You can enjoy caring for others and still have needs of your own.

You can be proud of the mother you've become while allowing yourself to discover who you're becoming next.

This is where I think our three seasons of motherhood matter.

Maybe you're still figuring out who you are after becoming a mother.

Your identity may feel like it has changed overnight.

Give yourself permission to grow into this new version of yourself.

You don't have to have it all figured out.

Maybe you've been "Mom" for years, and your days are filled with everyone else's schedules.

This may be the season to ask:

What have I been putting off that still matters to me?

It doesn't have to be a dramatic change.

Maybe it's reading again.

Taking a class.

Starting a hobby.

Calling an old friend.

Going somewhere alone.

Or simply remembering what makes you smile.

Maybe your children are older now.

Maybe the house is quieter.

Maybe you have more freedom than you did years ago—but you're not quite sure what to do with it.

This can be a beautiful opportunity.

You don't have to spend the rest of your life looking backward.

There can be something new ahead.

Your story didn't end when your children grew up.

You are still growing, too.

You don't need to reinvent yourself.

You don't need a five-year plan.

You don't need to quit your job, move across the country, or suddenly become someone completely different.

Start with a question.

What makes me feel like me?

Write down three things.

They can be big or incredibly simple.

Maybe it's music.

Maybe it's cooking.

Maybe it's traveling.

Maybe it's reading.

Maybe it's getting dressed up.

Maybe it's gardening.

Maybe it's sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee.

Maybe it's learning something new.

Maybe it's having a conversation where nobody calls you Mom.

There are no wrong answers.

The point isn't what you choose.

The point is remembering that there is still a you underneath all those responsibilities.

One of the hardest things about motherhood is realizing that what worked for one season may not work for the next.

The same is true of you.

You may have different interests.

Different priorities.

Different dreams.

Different boundaries.

Different ideas about what a good life looks like.

You are allowed to change.

You are allowed to discover something new about yourself.

You are allowed to say, "This matters to me now."

And you don't need anyone else's permission to grow.

So I'll ask you again:

Who are you outside of being Mom?

Don't rush your answer.

Sit with it.

Maybe you know exactly who you are.

Maybe you have no idea.

Maybe you're somewhere in between.

Wherever you are, that's okay.

You don't have to rediscover your entire identity today.

Start with one little piece.

One thing you love.

One thing you're curious about.

One thing you've been missing.

One thing you'd like to make room for.

Because the woman underneath all the roles is still there.

She may simply need you to notice her again.

If you've spent years taking care of everyone else, it can feel strange to ask what you want.

But here's your gentle reminder:

You are not selfish for being curious about yourself.

You are not selfish for having dreams.

You are not selfish for wanting to grow.

You are still Mom.

And you're also you.

Don't be afraid to get to know her again.

You may discover that she's been there all along.

P.S. Love, Mom 💜